New beginnings, old demons.

Last week I started a new job. Always a little bit of a worry, the nerves kick in, the questions formulate in our heads. A little nerves are good, they show we care about things. We start to have that nervous/excited feeling where can’t quite work out which is the strongest feeling.

My new role is remarkably similar to one I have done in the past, with a service that I kind of understand, with challenges I have overcome before. At the same time it is a different environment and system, as well as a new organisation.

So the ways of operating are different, the (Welsh) government are involved, and the whole makeup of the economy and how it works are totally different to what I am used to. On top of that is the fact that although I am learning Welsh, I am far from fluent, and know that it would be beneficial to me to keep learning and to be able to converse, write in and understand Welsh on a different level to my current ‘skills’.

Now I know that is a lot of preamble and I have barely touched on the actual subject of the post. In order to get my new job I have applied, had my application/CV reviewed, been invited to, attended and successfully passed an interview, received an offer, negotiated and had many pre employment checks. All this culminated in a start date, and weeks of looking forward to the new start.

Then came along the old friend. I have written a post previously on Imposter Syndrome, how it has and does affect me. I certainly wasn’t expecting it to come visit at this time.

When I told friends about my new job they all agreed it sounded perfect for me. Although totally different to the role I had secured before my relocation, it was one I am comfortable with and that is perfect for my skill set.

Clearly the panel who interviewed me (Director of the service, Clinical lead of service, Head of workforce) thought that I was capable of delivering on the role, and had skills and experience to bring to table.

So why in the lead up to my start date, and especially in the few days beforehand, are the voices in my head kicking in?

You don’t know the system
Things are different here
The model is unfamiliar to you
You don’t know the geography
You can’t speak Welsh, people will know
They are going to ask you something that you don’t know
THEY WILL FIND YOU OUT

My first day was last week. I survived. In fact I survived my first week, and I contributed. Myself and my boss sat down on Friday and we talked about what we had achieved in that week. There were some positive and tangible areas of progress. Some amazingly successful meetings and some great discussions around future changes and direction.

We agreed on a lot, found a lot of similar ways of working, and I met a lot of new people. It was all fine. Deep down I knew it would be, but those constant nagging thoughts told me otherwise. Slowly I am learning to ignore them, turn down their volume, make them irritating background noise.

We all have our demons, we all have our ways of dealing with them and moving on.

Do you/Have you suffered from IS?
How do you deal with it and move forward?

5 thoughts on “New beginnings, old demons.

  1. julianrolfe January 14, 2020 / 8:40 pm

    Great post, get the demons, you conquered them Pete, and will go from strength to strength.

    I too get those nagging thoughts all the time and it takes a lot of effort to put them back in their box.

    Really nice to see you settling in after a major relocation as well.

    Like

    • Pete Greensmith January 14, 2020 / 8:41 pm

      Thank you, It hasn’t gone smoothly (thats another blog post) but as with the IS it is all about how we rise to the challenges

      Liked by 1 person

      • julianrolfe January 14, 2020 / 8:44 pm

        We are up your way in August at Bethesda for some R&R. Would be great to say hello if you are about my good friend👍👍

        Liked by 1 person

      • Pete Greensmith January 14, 2020 / 8:45 pm

        Absolutely, I am sure we will be around, well we have no plans currently anyway. Would be great to see you

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lynn Zeelenberg January 18, 2020 / 12:38 pm

    I can strongly identify with this post! I’m working on recognizing the signs of IS before I go down the rabbit hole, instead of realizing what happened after I’ve put myself through the ringer. It’s a work in progress, for sure!

    Like

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